Ladies and gentlemen, I am so happy to announce the newest addition to our family.  A baby boy weighing 5lbs… a fur baby that is

His name is Gus Gus, after one of our favorite Disney characters.  He loves to eat, chew, play, and sleep.  We are thrilled to welcome him to our family.  He is a Boston Terrier and will probably end up being around 10-12 lbs.  

After having to say goodbye to our 14.5 year old beagle 2 years ago it took me that time to heal enough to be ready to welcome another dog into our home.  I missed having dog cuddles and kisses and the unconditional love they give.  Gus Gus is beautiful.  He is the perfect addition.  

I kind of forgot how crazy puppies can be though.  He is definitely keeping me on my toes.  Happy Friday everyone!

The post Announcing the New Addition to Our Family! appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Thank you to Disneyland for hosting my family. All opinions are always my own.

I am the little one on my dad’s knee. This was my first trip to Disneyland. The fashion is amazing right? Keep in mind it was the 80’s Can you tell where this picture was taken? I will give you a hint, there are 999 happy haunts.

I still vividly remember my first trip to Disneyland.  I was 4 years old and it was the most magical experience I had ever had.  I remember flying on Dumbo and cruising on “it’s a small world”.  I remember getting my first Mickey Mouse ear hat and eating at Blue Bayou (I had spaghetti).  When I was walking near the castle though I heard this sweet voice say “Hi Emy”.  I turned around and there was Snow White!  I was star struck.  I couldn’t believe she knew my name!  It was truly magical and I felt so special.  It wasn’t until years later that I realized she knew my name because it was embroidered on the back of my Mickey ears, but that experience was the heart and soul of what Disney magic is.

I grew up with the Disney Magic and I wanted Little Monkey to grew up with those experiences too.  Her first trip to Disneyland was when she was 6 months old.  Even at that age she was mesmerized by the magic.  I will never forget when we pulled into the Disneyland Hotel and walked into the lobby and there was Goofy!  Little Monkey was a baby in a stroller and Goofy walked over to her and she just stared up at him in complete awe.  

The teacups (or peapups as Little Monkey called them when she was little) were always her favorite.  I was never a fan of the teacups because of the spinning, BUT riding them with Little Monkey changed all of that.  Just hearing her laugh and laugh as we would spin around made it all worthwhile.

The preschool age is especially magical.  They are so talkative and curious at that age which makes Disneyland a perfect destination.  Watching my daughter’s face as the parade was coming down Main Street USA brought tears to my eyes.  She thought it was the coolest thing she had ever seen.

Ever since Little Monkey discovered the light up castle headboards at the Disneyland Hotel she has asked for one of those beds at home.  We had to tell her that it was part of the Disney Magic, so we couldn’t have one at home, but we get to enjoy it everytime we stay there.  

In preschool another milestone happened.  She was talk enough to ride Radiator Springs Racers and Splash Mountain.  She was nervous about what happened on the inside of the ride, the part she couldn’t see from the outside.  I knew she would love it, so I actually found a couple videos on YouTube of the rides and showed her ahead of time.  After watching those she felt confident she could do it and she was right.  That trip holds special memories for both my husband and I.  That was the trip where Little Monkey would now ride all the rides with us and we no longer needed rider swap.  

The Disney magic is what makes a vacation at Disneyland so much more than just a regular vacation.  There is no where else where I can watch Little Monkey’s face light up when she sees Santa at the end of the Christmas parade or celebrate a birthday with a button that is sure to get hundreds of people saying “happy birthday” to you all day long.  It is the only place where we can dine with our beloved Disney characters and make magical memories that will last all of us a lifetime.  If you are trying to decide what is the right age to bring your child to Disneyland my answer is now.  There is no such thing as too young to go to Disneyland because it is magical at every age.

What is your favorite memory of the Disney magic?

The post The Disney Magic appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Thank you to Adidas Golf for sponsoring this post with FitFluential. All opinions are always my own.
My husband is a big golfer.  He use to play 200 rounds a year.  We all know how much I love being active and outdoors, so golf just seemed like a great way to spend a day.  I have always wished that golf was something I had learned at a younger age, but with the encouragement of my husband I realized that golf can be learned at any age.  With the help of Adidas Golf I was all set to take my first lesson.

Golf shoes, clothes, and clubs…check, check, and check!  I’m not going to lie, I was a little nervous going to my first lesson because no one wants to be the person that swings and misses the ball and that is all I could picture myself doing.  Once I met Zach, the super awesome pro who is teaching me at Pasatiempo Golf Club, I realized I had nothing to fear.  

The lesson was one hour and flew by.  He took me to the driving range and taught me some fundamentals, like how to hold the club and how to effectively hit the ball.  I loved it!  It wasn’t intimidating at all!  

After my first lesson I already felt confident enough to go practice on my own.  In the first week I went to the driving range and the chipping and putting green with my husband twice.  What a great way to spend time together and be outdoors in this beautiful weather we are having.  Little Monkey even came out with us once.  There are not a lot of sports that a family, including our 7 year old daughter, can all do together.  Little Monkey is taking golf lessons too.  We are totally hooked!

A big thank you to Adidas Golf for facilitating this.  The Adidas Golf shoes are so comfortable.  They feel like running shoes!  There is so much great gear on the Adidas Golf website.  I am also loving the TaylorMade golf clubs they sent me.  

Looking for golf gear?  Use code HalfCrazy20 for 20% off everything at AdidasGolf.com.

Ladies (and gentlemen) don’t let golf intimate you.  I realized that all those golfers out there that I see are at all different abilities.  Sometimes you have a good day, sometimes you may have a little bit of an off day, just like running, and that is one of the great things about the sport.  It is truly anyone’s game.

Do you golf?  Have you wanted to try golf?

The post My First Golf Lesson and an Adidas Golf Discount Code appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

This post was created in partnership with Stonyfield Organic and Prana.  All opinions are always my own. 

A topic I often discuss is “Me Time”.  Running is a huge part of my me time, but what is even more important is the “whole me”.  I found over the last year that I am spread so thin I am rarely ever the “whole me” at any one time.  I may be with my daughter, but my brain is going over a thousand things I need to do.  While running I am mentally writing what I want my research paper for school to be about.  When cooking dinner I am also helping my daughter with homework, making the to-do list for the next day, face timing with my husband on business, and trying to log into my virtual classroom.  I realized that I am much better at everything when I focus my time.  I get more accomplished and do a better job when it is the “whole me”.  

Part of the “whole me” though is the “me time”.  Once a week I take time out that isn’t for anyone, but myself.  It may only be a half hour once a week, but it is important.  I put on comfy clothes.  (How cute is this Liana sweater from Prana.  The color is called Bora Bay and just that name alone helps me feel at peace!) I relax and read for fun or just lay in the sun and appreciate the nature around me.  

Right now I am chipping away at the book “The Kindness Diaries”.  I bring a snack out with me, usually a Stonyfield Organic yogurt parfait because it is wholesome and delicious.  It feels decadent, but I know the ingredients are good.  I feel more centered when I get this time and I can focus my attention.

Love my sweater?  Check out all the amazing clothes by Prana for your best whole self.  Use code WHOLES17HCM for 15% off your order!  

Do you try to work on the “whole you”?

The post The Whole Me appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Life can get busy, but our tiny humans love us unconditionally and we need to remember to foster their growth.  Some of these are probably something you say regularly, but a little reminder never hurt.

1. “You are so smart”- Every child should be reminded how smart they are because at school it is natural to compare themselves to others and they need a cheerleader on their side.  
2. “Can I have a hug”- As our kids get older the hugs get fewer, but it is still important to squeeze them every now and then.
3. Laughter- This isn’t words, but the act of laughing.  If they tell you a joke, laugh.  Your laughter is often the best kind of approval they are looking for.  
4. “I am so proud of you”- This is so important to tell them overtime they do something that makes you proud and sometimes we forget or take it for granted.  
5. “That was awesome!”- When they do a cartwheel or jump off the curb on their bike, show them how excited you are.
6. “What do you think about…?”- They want you to ask for their opinion about various things in life.  Ask them what they think about something going on in the news or at their school and get their advice and opinions. 
7. “You make my heart happy”- I love this because it just makes a person smile.  
8. “I am so glad I am your mom/dad”- Reassure them that you are so happy they are your kid.  Again, kids compare themselves to others and make sure they know they are special.
9. “What do you want to do today?”- Sometimes our lives are so planned that we rarely ask our kids what they want to do that day.  We may think they want to go to go the trampoline place, but ask them and maybe they want to go to the park instead?  Give them a choice every now and then.
10. “I love you”-  This is a given, but sometimes it becomes so routine that we take it for granted.  Grab their face, look them in the eyes, and tell them you love them.

What are some things that you make a point of saying to your kids?

The post 10 Things to Remember to Say to Your Kid appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Thank you to Adidas Golf with FitFluential for sponsoring this post.  All opinions are always my own.  

Most of you have followed along with my golf journey over the last few months.  I had a few lessons, lots of driving range practice, and my family and I played our first full round together.  It has been so great being able to play a sport together that no matter what level we are each at, it is still fun for all of us.  

Recently we took a 2 week trip to the southern states.  While staying on Hilton Head Island, South Carolina we were able to golf again.  It was a great addition to our vacation.  We packed our golf gear knowing we would get this opportunity.  Little Monkey even got to drive the golf cart for a little bit.  

Being able to do something like golf as a family just brought us closer together on the vacation.  It was also a great way to see the area we were visiting.  We saw alligators in the water and whooping cranes hanging out along the course.  

Thank you again to Adidas Golf for enabling me to take lessons and learn the sport of golf.  It combines my 2 favorite things, being active and being outdoors.  I’m encouraging everyone to try it.  It has added a whole new activity that my family can do together and we absolutely loved golfing while on vacation.

Need to stock up on golf gear?  Use code HalfCrazy20 for 20% off of everything at AdidasGolf.com.

The post Golfing On Vacation appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Dear Moms,

Why so much judgement?  Can’t we all just get along?  Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mom, it isn’t easy.  Whether you have 1 kid or 12 kids, it isn’t easy.  Being a mom is the most amazing, but also hardest job anyone can ever have.  We need to stick together and support one another instead of putting oneself on a pedestal and belittle another mom for their choices.  

To the moms who work from home, you keep working!  To the moms who complain about the moms who work from home, it isn’t easy, back off.  To the moms who work outside the home, you are awesome!  To the moms that lament about working moms, get over it!  To the moms who stay home and keep the family running, it is hard work!  To the moms who hate on those moms, no one is just sitting around eating bon bons all day.  It ain’t easy!

To the moms who make a little extra money for their families by selling products. My hat is off to you!  That is a hard gig.  To the moms who complain about those mom trying to sell them stuff, seriously?  You’re complaining about someone trying to help support their family?  If you don’t want to buy the product then don’t, but you don’t have to complain about the fact that they are trying.  That is a job, just like any other job.

Don’t be so quick to judge.  You never know how someone’s life is until you walk in their shoes.  Don’t be so quick to think the grass is always greener.  Working mom bagging on stay at home mom, have you ever thought maybe that mom would really like to be in a setting with adults and earning money, but with the rising cost of childcare it is actually more affordable for the mom to stay home regardless of what she may want?  Stay at home mom judging working mom who has super long hours, did you think about what it must feel like when she has to miss the school concert or field trip day?  There are 2 sides to every coin.  Whether you are a mom who chooses to stay home, or has to stay home, or a mom who chooses to work, or has to work, there are tradeoffs with every decision and none of them are easy.  There is not one that is better than the other, so lighten up on the mom judgement of others.  You may think you know what someones life is like, but you have no clue.  

Some people have lots of family to help, some people have no family to help, some have a lot of disposable income, some have no disposable income.  The thing is though, hardships, health, and life events happen to everyone regardless of who they are, so lets not be so quick to judge and instead be kind.  Offer a smile, a helping hand, a “good job mom”, or even just refraining from posting every comment that comes into your mind on Facebook.  I guarantee that moms are harder on themselves and don’t need the extra judgement.

The problem with the judgement is it trickles down to our kids.  They hear what we say and digest it.  It then gets carried on to the playground.  We wonder where kids learn things?  A lot of the time it is from us.  How do you want your kids to act?  That should be the rule of thumb before you say something, or type something, or act a certain way.  

So what do you say?  Can’t we all just get along?  Can we wave the white flag and agree to disagree on some things, but just be nice to one another?  Less judgement, more laughter, for the sake of our kids.  

Let me start by praising all the moms I know.  You are all amazing!  Some days are wonderful, somedays not so much, but we get through it.  You are doing a great job!  Stop being hard on yourself.  That person that seems like they are cooking Pinterest perfect meals all the time is not.  I guarantee they have mom fails too.  That mom at school that seems to have it all together I guarantee has bad days too.  That mom who seems like she has the smartest, most talented, happiest kids I promise also has mom meltdowns.  There is no such thing as perfect.  Let’s band together to stop the judgment, the pity parties, and the shaming.  Stop comparing and live your best life.  You will enjoy it so much more.  I promise.

The post Dear moms, I think some of you need a time out! appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

…and I’m about to get very real about it.  I always want people to feel happy, so I rarely talk about the sad stuff…you know the truly hard, real life, gut wrenching stuff, but I realized that maybe sharing it can help others know they aren’t alone.  I don’t want a pity party.  I just want to be real for a second.  As I’m facing my own health issues I want everyone to get one thing out of this, to appreciate life.  Truly and deeply appreciate it.  It’s a beautiful thing once you stop comparing yourself to everyone around you (or on Instagram).  Distance yourself from the people who bring you down.  Life is too short.  You do you.  You can’t change others, but remember to stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.  

We didn’t have lots of money growing up (my dad was a teacher and later on became the vice principal and principal of a high school).  I grew up in a 1100 sq ft house with one bathroom that we all shared.  At the end of the month before payday came I remember times of canned beans and toast.  My parents bought our house for $35,000 back in the day and they just happen to buy in the right town.  They had no idea that it would end up being a wealthy town in the heart of Silicon Valley.  By the time 6th grade rolled around the tech companies like Apple and IBM were growing around us, which meant the housing prices were quickly going up as up.  If we still lived in the tiny little house, that didn’t even have heating or air conditioning, it would be worth around $1.7 million.  Isn’t that insane?  That my friends, is what the tech industry did to my amazing tiny little town.    

My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer a few days before Thanksgiving my sophomore year of high school.  I was 15 years old.  I was scared, but my parents convinced me that it would be ok and he would do chemo.  He did do the chemo, but it didn’t work as well as everyone hoped.  I turned 16 on February 4th, 1997 and he came with me to get on drivers license that day.  A week after that he left work for good.  He needed to do much stronger chemo and it was taking a toll on his body.  It was all downhill.  He lost so much weight and was around 98 lbs.  My mom and I would take turns at night when his machines would beep.  I remember this one night after a new nurse had come to the house and put the IV in a different place on his arm and as a result the line kept kinking and the machine kept beeping all night.  I would still get up and go to high school every morning.  Not going to sugar coat it.  It was hard.

I’m the little one.

By summer time he could barely walk.  By July he was talking in very hushed tones.  He would tell me words of wisdom as I sat on his bed.  One time I I told him that it just wasn’t fair.  And his response still has stuck with me.  He said “Emy, life isn’t fair.  You are dealt a hand and just have to play the cards that you are dealt.  Some people are just dealt better cards.”  He never got angry or had a pity party for himself.  

My father lost his battle with cancer August 23rd, 1997.  He was 49 years old.

This was 3 days before I had to start my junior year of high school.  I could barely get out of bed.  It was hard going back to school and trying to stay focused, but the hardest part were the whispers in the hallway and some friends that were no longer around.  I would walk out of class and hear people whisper to each other “that’s the chick who’s dad died”.  It would’ve been so much nicer if they just came up to me instead and said “I’m sorry to hear about your dad”.  Now that I am a parent I see the importance on educating our kids on loss and how to cope with it and be there for other who are going through it.  I understand though that we were kids and this was hard, so the natural instinct was to stay away from things that were hard.  

My life was forever turned upside down.  I miss my dad everyday, but love telling Little Monkey stories of her grandpa Tom.  My dad was big in the education reform for California and getting equal education for bilingual students.  His memorial service had thousands of people attend and still to this day, 20 years later, I have past students of his come up to me and tell me stories about him and what a big impact he had on their lives.  I love that so much.  

The moral of this story is to appreciate your life, have compassion for others, and realize that life isn’t fair so stop comparing and start living.  Be the kind of person that after you leave this earth people will go up to your kids and tell them how kind, funny, and amazing you were.  

The post 20 Years Ago Today I Said Goodbye to My Dad for the Last Time… appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

I leave on Wednesday for Italy.  I am crazy excited!  I have never been to Italy. Running a marathon in Venice is a dream come true.  (You can read more about this trip here).  BUT at the back of my mind is that nagging mom guilt.  

When I got the email offering me this amazing opportunity my first thought was “Wow! A trip to Italy!” and then a split second later I thought “I don’t know if I can leave my family for that long?” When my husband got home I showed him the email and he said how cool an opportunity it was and how proud of me he is.  I said “So do you think I should go?” and then he looked at me like I was completely nuts and said “OF COURSE you should go! Why wouldn’t you go?”  I told my mom and she was so excited for me and I said to her “So you think I should go?” Her reaction was much of the same. “Emy, you are being offered a trip to Italy, why wouldn’t you go?  Book me a plane ticket right now and I will fly to your house and help with little monkey while you are gone”.  All of the people closest to me couldn’t even fathom why I would hesitate, so why do I put this guilt on myself?

My little monkey is even excited for me, a little jealous, but also very excited and proud.  I know she won’t be just sitting at home moping that mama is gone because she has a very busy schedule and an amazing support system of friends and dance families.  So why do I feel like a bad mom to be leaving her when in reality I know she will be happily going about her routine whether I am there or not?

My family is so proud and excited for me to take this amazing journey, but still, mom guilt.  My trip is hosted, so there is very little coming out of pocket, but still, mom guilt.  Everyone around me has told me I deserve this and it is only 7 days and to not worry about a thing.  How do I do that?  I keep telling myself that as soon as I get on the plane, I drink a glass of wine, and let the guilt go because the mom guilt does no one any good.  I know I will go and I will have an amazing time and I know my family will be totally fine without me.  I know “ME” time is important.  I need go dismiss the mom guilt.  Be gone mom guilt!!!

How do you release yourself of the mom guilt?

The post SO Excited to Go to Italy! (Cue the mom guilt) appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Thank you Dignity Health for sponsoring this post. Enroll in humankindness. 

Choosing the right health insurance for your family can be hard.  Open Enrollment can be stressful, but here is some helpful advice to help guide you.  I am self-employed, so every year I reevaluate what insurance is best for my family.  Here are 10 things to consider during Open Enrollment. 

1. Make sure your doctor is in the plan’s network– Unless you don’t mind changing doctors, you will want to double check to make sure your doctor is included in the plan you choose.  I LOVE my daughter’s pediatrician and when picking a plan my first priority is making sure he is in the plan’s network.  Californians don’t prioritize doctors when choosing health insurance. Even though a full 70% have a preferred doctor, clinic, or practice that they choose for healthcare, 47% go about Open Enrollment in the following order:
   • 1. Picking their insurance plan
   • 2. Selecting healthcare providers/doctors based on who is covered/in-network for that plan.  This is instead of working backward from their preferred provider and choosing the healthcare plan that he or she works with.  
2. Understand plan and network types— HMO, PPO, POS, and EPO: Some plan types allow you to use almost any doctor or health care facility. Others limit your choices or charge you more if you use providers outside their network.  I have found that a PPO is best for my family, but I have a friend who swears by having a HMO. They each have advantages and disadvantages, so do a little research to help you choose which is best for you.
3. Decide what are your top priorities in a plan ahead of time– Is it a PPO or HMO?  Is it a plan that has your doctor in network?  Lower monthly payments or lower deductible?  There is a lot to consider and you will want to prioritize what is most important to you and your family.  
4. Start early–  Don’t want until the last day to try to decide what plan you want.  Start early and give yourself time to figure out what you want.  More than half of Californians, and nearly two-third of millennials, wish they spent more time on Open Enrollment. Nearly one-quarter (22%) of people spend less than an hour on making a decision on health insurance.
5. Know the difference between a deductible and coinsurance– Your deductible is a fixed amount and ends, but coinsurance goes on and on (until you hit your out-of-pocket maximum).  Once you’ve met your deductible for the year, you don’t owe any more deductible payments until next year. You may still have to pay other types of cost-sharing like copayments or coinsurance though.  You will continue to owe coinsurance each time you get health care services. The only time coinsurance stops is when you reach your health insurance policy’s out-of-pocket maximum.  My daughter was born as a preemie.  I spent a week in the hospital and she spent 2 weeks in the NICU.  We learned very quickly all about deductibles, coinsurance, and out-of-pocket maximums that I didn’t ever think about before this.  
6. Don’t stress– If you do your research and start early the stress should dissipate.  Half of Californians (50%) say selecting the best health insurance plan for them is extremely or somewhat stressful.  Help take away some of that stress by starting early.
7. Don’t be afraid to call your doctor’s office– Call the office and ask if they have a preferred plan.  This can help guide you in the right direction.
8. Make an informed decision– Do research about the plans you are deciding between.  After Open Enrollment ends 55% of Californians wish they had made a more informed decision.  
9. Be familiar with “Metal Levels”– or metallic levels, refer to the bronze, silver, gold or platinum levels of coverage. Each level has a monthly premium vs. out-of-pocket cost. For instance, bronze plans have low premiums but high out-of-pocket costs whereas platinum plans have high premiums and low out-of-pocket costs.  
10. Different plans can be better for different people–  Plans are not one-size-fits-all.  Just because your best friend says they have the best plan, that doesn’t mean it is the best plan FOR YOU.  Do some research on your own, follow these helpful tips and make an informed decision.  Maybe you find that a higher monthly payment is better for you because that means you have lower co-cayments or that a silver package is best suited for your family over a bronze package?  My family generally doesn’t have to visit a doctor more than once a year for a checkup, so higher copay on office visits is ok with me, but if you have to visit a doctor more often then selecting a plan with a lower copay would be beneficial.  Being educated on what my insurance plan covers gives me a great piece of mind, especially after the emergency and premature birth of my daughter.  You never know what life has in store for you, but you CAN know what your insurance covers.  Click here to learn more information about Open Enrollment and to help you make an informed decision.  

I hope these 10 things help take some of the stress out of Open Enrollment and help you make a more confident decision.  

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of CLEVER and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

The post 10 Things To Consider During Open Enrollment appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Congrats!  We made it through 2017 and now it is time to start planning 2018.  Choosing a New Year’s Resolution can be tough because you want something that you can stick with.  Here is a list of 50 New Year’s Resolutions to help jumpstart you into 2018:

1. Start using reusable shopping bags.
2. Up your daily steps goal to 20,000.
3. Try a new workout routine like Soul Cycle or Barre.
4. Eat more vegetables at every meal.
5. Run streak. Start running at least a mile a day.  It only takes 6-15 min. of your time, depending on how fast you are.
6. Give up soda.
7. Drink 75 ounces of water a day.
8. Keep a gratitude jar.  Everyday write down something you are thankful for.
9. Pack a lunch more often to bring to work instead of eating out.
10. Car pool or take public transportation more often.
11. Switch from plastic bottles of water to a reusable one.  It will save you money and help the environment.
12. Spend more time in nature.
13. Sleep with your cell phone in the other room.  
14. Eat less processed foods.
15. Park further away at the grocery store, mall, work, etc. so you log more steps.
16. Try something completely out of your comfort zone.
17. Save money for a specific purpose like a vacation or Apple Watch. 
18. Drink more tea and less calorie rich drinks.
19. Sleep at least 8 hours a night.
20. Try a new hobby.
21. Write handwritten notes.
22. Call more often instead of just text.
23. Lend a helping hand more.
24. Don’t just tell them you love them, show them too.
25. Volunteer.
26. Keep a journal.
27. Put all your loose photos in an album.
28. Unsubscribe to emails instead of just deleting them everyday.
29. Learn a new language.
30. Unplug an hour a day, a day a week, whatever works for you.
31. Read more books.
32. Do the dishes everyday.
33. When you go to the gym spend 15 more minutes a session there.
34. Clean out all the clothes you don’t wear and donate them.
35. Wear sunscreen daily.
36. Plant a vegetable garden.
37. Try a new cookbook each month.
38. Take a dance class.
39. Plank each day.
40. Use more essential oils.
41. Take vitamins daily.
42. Spend less time on social media and more time in the real world.
43. Train for a marathon.
44. Learn how to make French macaroons.
45. Go into Target and only buy the things on your list.
46. Master one of your grandmother’s recipes.
47. Start jump roping.
48. Watch more documentaries and less action movies.
49. Practice random acts of kindness.
50. Go to bed happy every night.

What is your New Year’s Resolution?

The post 50 New Year’s Resolution Ideas appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

I think every year is filled with ups and downs and 2017 was no different.  Reflecting on 2017 I feel so grateful for my amazing family and some awesome opportunities that came to me. We started 2017 at Disney World for my 4th Dopey Challenge.  Little Monkey also had her first ever haircut while we were there. Little Monkey and her dance team had the amazing opportunity to perform at Disneyland.  We get to go to Disneyland a lot, but this was different because she got to be there with her best friends. In the middle of January we got our newest family member.  Our little fur baby Gus Gus.  He is the perfect addition to our family and we couldn’t imagine life without him now.
We visited Disneyland again in February, but this time it was for a Disney event where Little Monkey got to meet Captain America and get a makeover at Bibbity Bobbity Boutique.  We spent out February school break in Nashville.  Our good friends the Bowman’s joined us and it made for such an amazing trip.In march was the Los Angeles Marathon and Big 5k. Always one of my favorite races.

For Little Monkey’s birthday we took her friends to see the new Beauty and the Beast live action movie that had come out that week.  I made Belle inspired cupcakes for the occasion. 

Our niece got married and we traveled to Florida for the wedding.  It was my first time being on the gulf side of Florida. It was beautiful there. 

Little Monkey ran her first Color Run with me.  She LOVED it.

We visited Yosemite for my husband and daughter’s first time.

In summer we did a 16 day road trip through the south and brought my mom along.  We visited Nashville, Pigeon Forge, Smoky Mountains, Gatlinburg, Biltmore Estate, Hilton Head Island, Charleston, Augusta, Atlanta, and Chattanooga.  It was such a fun trip.

I have ran a lot of different Rock ‘n’ Roll races, but had never ran San Diego and did that for the first time this year.

I ran the Disneyland Half Marathon weekend and talked my friend Cam into running the 5k and 10k with me.

October brought one of the most amazing opportunities I have ever had.  I was able to go to Italy and run the Venice Marathon while representing the Los Angeles Marathon.  I had never been to Italy and it was truly incredible.  Two of my girl friends joined me and it was the ultimate girls trip.  We also visited Florence.

For Thanksgiving we went to Florida to visit family.  I also got what I now call the death flu because I was the sickest I have ever been while we were there.  Luckily my family was still able to have a good time.

We had our first trip to Disney Aulani and I can’t wait to go back!  The Bowman’s joined us which made it even more special.  Little Monkey wants to move to Hawaii.  We feel so fortunate to have friends who also love to travel.

After Disney Aulani we headed to the North Shore to watch some of the Pipe Masters surf competition.  So cool!!!

In December, after having to buy the tickets back in September, it was finally our day to visit the Museum of Ice Cream in San Francisco.
Our niece flew out from Florida to visit us in CA for the first time and spend Christmas here.  We didn’t tell Little Monkey ahead of time, so she could be surprised.  It worked and she said it was the best Christmas ever.  It was fun to take her all around the area and play tourist. 

We ended the year with a 3.1 mile run.  It was the last day of 2017 and we figured it was the perfect way to celebrate. 

All in all it was a great year.  I am so fortunate and thankful.  2017 brought some health issues for me that will continue into 2018, but sometimes you just have to take things one day at a time.  I wish you all a very happy New Year and let’s make 2018 the best year ever!

The post Looking Back At 2017 Through Pictures appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

How does someone get BRCA gene mutation testing done?  What family history does someone need to get screened for the Breast/Ovarian cancer gene?  How much does it cost for the BRCA gene testing?  I’m going to share my story with you and while doing this hopefully help some people in the process.

I decided while I am sitting here waiting for my BRCA gene results I would write this as a form of therapy for myself, answer questions that I get asked a lot, and also maybe help some people going through some tough times.  I am also sharing my current medical problems and how I got to this stage.  It might be TMI for some people, so if you are one of those people who can’t handle real talk about female parts this might be your cue to stop reading. 

Back story, uterine fibroids run on my mom’s side of the family.  I remember being little when my mom went in to the hospital to have a hysterectomy because of them.  She would be in so much pain she would vomit and they had become so large that she would be asked if she was pregnant.  Fast forward, this is where I am at.  The problem with uterine fibroids is that for some women anything short of a hysterectomy is just a temporary bandaid.  You can have the tumor/tumors removed, but they grow back quickly.  You can have a shot that mimics menopause (along with all the side effects).  There are hormone pills like birth control, but when they get to a certain size this doesn’t help much either.  When I was 28 and pregnant with my daughter at the ultrasound they were able to measure 2 fibroid tumors that were already present then.  Luckily they were small then.  Fibroid tumors have a tendency to grow quickly.  My periods have always been relatively long, but about 2 years ago each month they would get heavier, longer and more painful.  From the outside it looks like I run all these races all the time and I’m great, but in the last 2 years I only picked and scheduled races that fell on the right time on the calendar, because there were also days I couldn’t get out of bed due to extreme bleeding and pain.  As a result of the heavy bleeding I am also super anemic.  This makes me feel really fatigued and other side effects due to not having enough oxygen in my blood.  I am on a high iron diet as well as iron pills twice a day.  Having to take this much iron is also no fun on my stomach.  

I knew that the only answer that would give me 100% relief was a hysterectomy.  I am currently 36 years old and have one child (one beautiful, amazing child).  I always thought I wanted 2-3 kids, but that is just not what is in the cards for me and that is what I had to come to terms with.  So while a feeling of sadness is inside of me because of this I also have a sense of relief knowing I have the opportunity to get back to my life without pain 2/3rds of the month.  

Here is where the BRCA gene mutation testing comes into play.  Two members of my immediate family tested positive  for BRCA 1…including my sister.  My father was diagnosed with colon cancer at 48 and died at the age of 49.  We know that my father was a carrier of the BRCA 1 gene mutation.  So I have a 50/50 shot of not having the BRCA 1 mutation.  In the general population the BRCA gene prevalence is only 0.2 to 0.3%.

The reason it is so important to have the test done before my hysterectomy though is because if I am BRCA 1 positive they would also take my ovaries.  “On average, women with an altered BRCA1 gene have a 50 to 85 percent risk of developing breast cancer by age 70. Their risk of developing ovarian cancer is 40 to 60 percent by age 85.” I copied and pasted those statistics for you.  To put this into prospective women in the general population have a 1.3% chance of developing ovarian cancer…but BRCA 1 carriers have a 40-60% chance.  Breast cancer has a lot of ways to screen for it, but of course isn’t 100% accurate and that scares me, but the scariest part is that ovarian cancer is the silent killer.  By the time of any signs it is often too late.  This is why the doctors recommend that because I need a hysterectomy and if I do test positive for BRCA 1 they remove my ovaries too…at the at of 36.   Here is another copy and paste for you “Surgical menopause occurs when a premenopausal woman has her ovaries surgically removed in a procedure called a bilateral oophorectomy. This causes an abrupt menopause, with women often experiencing more severe menopausal symptoms than they would if they were to experience menopause naturally.”  So to prevent this from happening I would need to be on hormones.  Another reason why the test is so important before my hysterectomy is because a lot of hysterectomies are done laparoscopically or vaginal, these wouldn’t be options for me.  Because of the size of the fibroid tumor and the risk of leaving potentially cancerous cells behind the surgery would need to be full abdominal surgery, which has a much longer recovery.  

Between the pain, anemia, and stress of it all I cry a lot.  I am writing this because crying is ok and I want other women going through this to know it is ok to cry and you are not alone! I feel so thankful for the health that I DO have and I feel guilt for crying because there are so many people who are worse off than me, but you know what?  That is a normal emotion too.  This process has brought back so many emotions I have of my dad’s death and watching him suffer from chemo as cancer ravaged his body.  I was 16 when that happened and it scares the F**k out of me now that I am a mom, the idea of my daughter having to watch that happen to me. Going through all the emotions of never being able to have more kids, having to have major surgery, the idea that my risk of cancer could be as high as 85%, the thought that I could potentially have passed this onto my beautiful daughter, knowing my sister carries this and that she has had to endure all of this, hormone therapy, pills, hospital stays, visits to the doctors constantly, the financial burden of it all, and I cry.  And that is ok.  Because I say it is ok.  Crying and anger and sadness and guilt are all ok.  

I had to do genetic counseling before they would do the genetic testing.  The woman asked me all kinds of questions to feel out if I am emotionally prepared to deal with the news if I do test positive.  The first thing she did is explain the statistics and how they don’t have a crystal ball, but that it greatly increases my risk of cancer and that different forms of treatment suit different people.  She asked me what my gut feeling was, if I thought I was positive or negative.  She asked if I had a husband who was supportive no matter what happened.  She asked if I came out negative if I thought my relationship would be difficult with my sister because she is BRCA 1 positive.  She said while it is great to test negative, those people often have “survivors” guilt because their family members aren’t so lucky.  And a lot more hard hitting questions.  In order to be tested and have insurance cover it I had to provide the test results and medical information for my BRCA 1 positive family members.  The cost could be large if I couldn’t provide this.  Luckily my sister gave the authorization for all of her records to be pulled and reviewed.  Some people are not this lucky and their only means to get tested would be to pay out of pocket.

Along with this I am still dealing with what feels like my uterus is trying to kill me and having blood drawn to check all sorts of other things, a uterine biopsy to make sure that the fibroid tumor is benign and nothing cancerous, and ultrasounds to check out everything else going on and positioning of the tumor/tumors.  

My friends and family keep commenting on “you have ANOTHER doctors appointment?”, but that is the downside to our health care system.  I have to have a referral from my doctor to go to the place that does the ultrasounds and then after I go do that I have to go back to doctor for results.  Same thing for each stage of this process.  It is a lot of time and a lot of copays this way.  

Meanwhile I try hard not to let this stop me from doing the things I love and my everyday life.  This past weekend I was questioning whether or not to go down to Pasadena Half Marathon and run because I was so emotionally and physically exhausted, but I did.  And I don’t regret that decision for a second.  I currently have no other races planned for the next 2 months.  That is a weird thing for me to comprehend because races are such a huge part of my life.  Currently my next race will be Los Angles Marathon in March and that is my goal.  

This took A LOT to share this so publicly, but when I was Googling and searching for women going through this I couldn’t find many first hand accounts and that surprised me.  I figured sharing my story could help others and that is far more important to me than the embarrassment of telling people the gory details of whats going on.   I ask that you be kind with any comments.  I currently don’t know the outcome of any tests.  I have 2 different ultrasounds tomorrow and the uterine biopsy next week.  The BRCA test blood was drawn last week and it could take up to 2 weeks for those results.  I am praying and putting good vibes out there.  

Tell the people you love how much they mean to you because knowing there are people around you who care is so important.  

The post Waiting for BRCA Gene Mutation Test Results… appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Thank you so much for the love, prayers, good vibes, and support.  Last week I wrote about about my medical issues I am currently facing. (You can read about all the details of that here)  The short story is that I have fibroids and endometriosis to the point that I now need a hysterectomy.  I also went through genetic counseling and was being tested for BRCA 1 gene mutation because we know my father was a carrier and my sister tested positive.  That meant that I had a 50/50 shot of having it.  

We got my ultrasound results back since I wrote that post and now know I also have two, what they believe to be endometrioma cysts.  One adjacent to my left ovary and one in my left ovary.  Along with that I have actually have 5 fibroid tumors of significant size.  So there is more going on there than we thought.  We are now waiting or the biopsy results that I had done on Monday. 

Back to the BRCA 1 testing.  I have been waiting two weeks for the results.  Those have been the longest two weeks of my life.  Every time the phone would ring my heart would jump into my throat. Today I finally got the call.  I was getting ready to go work in my daughter’s classroom and I saw the number flash on my iPhone screen.  The first thing my genetic counselor said to me was “I have some good news”.  I immediately started crying happy ugly tears.  I tested negative for the BRCA 1 mutation, which is what runs in my family.  I don’t know why for some reason by the grace of God I was somehow spared from having this, but I was.  My genetic counselor said it was like a genetic coin toss and I came up on the extremely lucky side.  She did say that even though I tested negative, because it runs in my family, they have counseling services available to me to help with any feelings of guilt or wanting advice because I was spared and my sister wasn’t.  This is a very real feeling and it is good to know that there is help there if I need it.

I was mentally preparing for the fact that I had the gene.  I knew in my heart the decisions I would have to make with that, but the hardest part was the idea of having passed this onto my daughter who is only 7 years old.  The idea that she couldn’t be tested until she’s an adult and having to wait and wonder for all those years was what ate me up in side.  

My birthday is in 3 days.  Everyone around me kept asking what I wanted to do for my birthday and to be honest I didn’t even want to talk about it.  I was consumed and paralyzed by the “what if” that is going on with all these various tests.  I can now say that this is the best birthday present I could’ve ever received.  The results of the biopsy will come and the plans for surgery will continue, but the idea that I didn’t pass this cursed gene onto my daughter is the best present a mom can get.  

So what now?  When the biopsy results are in I go for the surgical consultation, which my doctor believes will be the removal of my uterus and left ovary, but now that I tested negative for BRCA 1 I get to keep my right ovary and not have to deal with surgical menopause of hormone patches.  So while a hysterectomy and losing one ovary is not ideal, I am so thankful it isn’t more.  

Again, I made the decision to share my story because when I was searching the internet to find someone who has gone through this and I found very few people telling their story.  Women’s health issues are very real and I think talking about them shouldn’t be taboo.  Education is so important when it comes to our health.  If me sharing this personal journey helps even just one person than it is totally worth every tear I shed while writing this and feelings of embarrassment that I push to the side.  Know your family history, get checked often, and be aware of your body.  Again, I ask for comments to be gentle and I thank you for your good vibes.  

The post My BRCA 1 Test Results Are In… appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Thank you to prAna for sponsoring today’s post.  All opinions are always my own. 

Life is precious, fleeting, and something to feel grateful for.  With everything going on recently I have made a conscious effort to be more mindful in all aspects of my life.  I have always unplugged for family time, but now I make sure that after school, dinner time, and bedtime is distraction free.  I have always loved writing and have started working on some projects again because it fills me up inside.  I have missed yoga and was using “not enough time” as an excuse.  I have now told myself that even if it is only 20 minutes before bed that is ok and to do it because yoga is something that I value.

My family and I have always enjoyed taking walks together, but when life got busy that got pushed to the side a lot of the time.  It is now a priority because it is quality time for us to connect.  While awaiting my test results and surgery I have really been mindful of my emotions.  I talk about them, ask for help when needed, and not bottle it all up inside. 

Traveling, learning about different parts of the world, cultures and being more mindful of all the people on this planet is another big aspect of my life and I have made this a big piece of what I teach my daughter.  Being mindful in ALL aspects of life.  Awareness of my actions, feeling grateful for my what I have, and being mindful of the power we have. Let go of the bad energy and focus on surrounding yourself with positive energy.  

Small changes make big differences.  I feel fulfilled.  Mindfulness has always been a big part of who I am, but when life gets stressful I felt my focus drift away.  Touching base with your self is a good way to check your emotions, intentions, and what is actually important to you.  

Being mindful of the fact that our future generations depend on this planet, we need to make sure there is something left for them.  Recycling, sustainability, and environmentally friendly are important to me when it comes to products.  I am also mindful about what I am putting on my body with both skin care and clothing.  prAna use 100% organic cotton, hemp and fair trade certified materials. prAna’s reason to be and to continue on is based on environmental sustainability and their ability to motivate their community of customers and peer businesses.  If only all companies felt this way! 

Make conscious decisions to lead a more mindful life and the world becomes a better place. 

Want to wear clothes that feel fantastic, but also from a company who has great intentions? Here is a discount code good for 15% off prAna: MPECS18.  (Not including sale items) . Good from 2/20 to 3/20. Love the sweater and pants I have on in the pics and those beautiful yoga clothes?  Click here to check out all the great clothes on their site.  #MindfulprAna #prAnaSpring18 

The post When Life Reminds You To Be More Mindful appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

I knew surgery was inevitable and the day was coming, but maybe not quite as quick as it did.  I am filled with every emotion, which I’m sure is pretty normal before any surgery.  I am totally in a funk.  While I am excited about finally getting a better quality of life back, I also feed nervous about surgery itself.  Up until now the only surgery I have had was a c-section and I was awake for that.  I feel like my nerves come mostly from the unknown.  There is a plan for my surgery, which is a hysterectomy and the removing my left ovary.  There is the chance though that there is more that needs to be done.  The surgeon has advised me that while there is a plan it could change once they see what is really going on.  Again, I’m sure this is how it is with a lot of surgeries.  

I tured 37 two weeks ago.  A couple days before my birthday I received the best gift ever when I got the results back of my BRCA 1 test and found out I am negative.  After getting that news I am heading into this surgery with a much better mindset, but still the slight depression of the finality of never having another child.  That is for a whole other blog entry though.

I haven’t had a long time frame to prep for this surgery, so I am trying to get everything organized ahead of time.  A mom’s job is never done.  I am normally horrible at asking for help, but I am finally giving in and realize I will need it. Carpools, some meals, playdates, friends just to help check in.  I would’t be able to do this without help and I love my tribe.  They have been there every step of the way.  

Because I am self employed I am also prepping a couple weeks worth of posts to keep things going while I am recovering.  I appreciate all of you and your support so much.  Hopefully the content I have created in the meantime will be just as good for you all.  

Positive vibes, some prayers, and lots of cuddle time with my Little Monkey, that is currently what I am working on.

The post My Surgery is Friday… appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

First, I can’t thank you enough for the prayers, well wishes, good vides, flowers, food, advice, help and support you all have given me over the course of the last 6 week while I have been going through this whole process.  I have no words to describe the love and positive energy I feel from the outpouring of support.  Last Friday, February 23rd, I underwent a surgery that took 5 hours, which is apparently pretty long in surgery terms.  The surgery was a success, but I ended up having a horrible and slightly scary reaction to the anesthesia.  

I remember waking up in recovery and feeling extremely nauseous.  I saw my husband sitting near the end of my bed looking slightly concerned.  I heard alarms near my head beeping and my eyes closing, followed by two nurses shaking me telling me I need to breathe and putting an oxygen mask on me.  I then remember opening my eyes again, vomiting, the feeling of a haze coming over me, my eyes closing and hearing the alarms beeping again.  The nurses once again, shook me and told me I need to breathe and put oxygen mask back on that had been taking off to vomit.  At this point I heard one of the nurses calling over a third nurse to page the doctor.  I remember looking at my husband who now had tears in his eyes and looked scared.  Anyone who knows my husband knows he is not a guy who EVER looks scared.  I remember fading in and out at this point, more alarms, more vomiting.  The anesthesiologist that was on call came over and started giving orders to the nurses of what to give me, then kept telling me to keep my eyes open and to breathe.  Looking back, he seemed way too concerned too.  That should’ve tipped me off that something bad was going on.  

After being given several medications I wasn’t losing consciousness and my body was breathing on it’s own with the oxygen mask.  I was still vomiting though.  And let me tell you, that even with all the pain meds, vomiting after surgery on your abdomen is NOT fun.  Ouch.  After 4 more medications over the course of an hour to try to stop me from getting sick the nurses were pulling my husband aside and telling him that he needs to INSIST on seeing any doctor and and telling them that he was refusing to take me home.  They knew I needed to be admitted to the hospital overnight to be monitored and have oxygen and were worried they would try to send me home.  That’s our medical system right? 

Everyone ended up agreeing that I needed to stay in the hospital.  They found me a room.  Within a couple hours I had various people come by to look at me.  In the recovery area every doctor that saw me had a concerned look on their face, which was apparently because I looked so pale, green, and my lips had no color at all.  The first thing all the people who came by my room to check on me said was, ” oh wow, you look so much better.”  For all the various doctors to say this to me means I must have looked preeeettty bad.    My husband and my sister both said that they were very worried because they had never seen a living person look like that before.

Anyways, a couple hours later, on oxygen and tons of meds coursing through my veins the vomiting had finally stopped and they were telling me I needed to walk.  Hours earlier I had my enlarged uterus, fibroid tumors, and left ovary with several large cysts removed and here I was, up and walking.  I made it around the loop of the hospital wing and felt like I had ran a marathon.

That night I barely got any sleep because the man in the next room was screaming obscenities all night.  I felt so bad for those poor nurses who were being called horrible names.  The nurses had to call security several times to help restrain this man for his meds.  That coupled with nurses coming in every couple hours to take my vitals equaled very little sleep.

I was in the hospital 24 hours and then finally got to come home.  I feel sore and tired, but a little better each day.  I am thankful for my family.  They are so supportive.  The biggest shoutout goes to my mom who flew in to help while I am recovering.  I can’t wait to be pain free and on my feet again.  Thank you again for all your prayers.  I feel incredibly lucky to have such an amazing community.  

The post One Week After Surgery… appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

My brain wants to go do all the things, but my body…not so much.  I was prepared for surgery…I thought.  I prepared carpools for my daughter, friends bringing meals, finished all the laundry, wrote all my blog posts, scheduled out my social media, stocked the refrigerator for school lunches, cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, typed up a schedule for my mom to help, and coordinated all my doctors appointments and medications.  Sounds pretty prepared right?  You know what I didn’t plan though?  How I would feel mentally, the depression that would set in and ways to keep myself busy.

Part of my sanity depends on me running, hiking, and just being active and outdoors.  It has only been 13 days from my surgery, but I have been in bed for most of it…and now feel like a slug.  I know I am recovering, but I just don’t feel like my self.  I am tired of TV and can’t focus on a book to decide whether it is good or not.  I swear I’ve watched enough HGTV in the last week that I could teardown and rebuild an entire house.  I underestimated how hard the recovery process would be MENTALLY. 

A friend suggested that I need a project to focus on so I can still feel like I’m accomplishing something, so my cross-stitch kit is on the way from Amazon. (Funny, but I really did order one).  

I think another part of the depression is the thought that lingers in my head about the finality of never having another child.  No matter how “come to terms” I was with the idea of only having one child, I spent most of my life thinking I would have 2-3 kids.  I realized that is a very REAL thing and it is ok to morn that idea.  I know addressing these things is important and part of the healing process.  The last thing you want to do is bottle up feelings like that.

Asking for help is way out of my comfort zone.  I’m normally the person offering help, not taking it.  This process has taught me that asking for help is so important.  I could’t do it without help from friends, family, and doctors.  You know what it also taught me?  People LIKE to help.  Just because you are asking for help doesn’t mean you are a burden.  When you genuinely need help, people want to give you help.  BUT is still HARD!  IT IS F***ING HARD. It is a hard thing to adjust to when just a week few weeks ago you were totally self sufficient and again, it just fuels the depression.  It is hard to have people in your space, even though they are helping.  I TOTALLY appreciate it, all of it, but I am just sharing what is feels like because I wasn’t prepared for it and maybe this can help someone else.  

No matter which way you spin it recovery is hard.  Your body does’t feel good and your mind is left with too much time to wander in thought…

The good times though are good.  Cuddles from my Little Monkey and bed time stories are great.  That is my favorite part of this whole process. 

The post The Dark Cloud Over My Post-Surgery Recovery… appeared first on Half Crazy Mama.

Women travel differently than men.  Plain and simple.  When looking for destinations, hotels, and conveniences women look for different details and have different priorities.  This is one of the many reasons why women should go travel with some other women every now and then.

I love traveling with my family, but I also love traveling with my best girlfriends.  It gives me a chance to turn off the mom mode and relax a little more.  I don’t have to worry about who needs to be fed, bedtime, or losing a child in a crowd of people.  I can go visit a new destination and be completely present.  I realized this on a trip to Italy with two girlfriends.  We were at the Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence looking at David and other amazing sculptures.  It dawned on me that I was looking at all the detail of every sculpture, reading every description card, and really taking in the whole experience.  I didn’t have to hurry through because of a young child with me or husband who didn’t want to spend hours at a museum.  I was with my girlfriends who shared the same feelings I shared.  

Another big reason traveling with your best friend is so important is the laughter.  When you are hanging out with just your best friends you are bound to laugh.  Laughing is food for the soul.  Sitting around the hotel room at night, laughing until you are crying about something funny that happened that day, that is such a great feeling. 

It is a luxury as a mom to get a few days off, but it is also important to make sure you take care of yourself.  It makes me feel sad when I hear other moms shaming a woman for taking a couple days for herself, for her own wellbeing.  Stop the judgment and you just do you.  That may look different for each person and that is ok.  A five day trip with your best friend each year might be just what you need, but for someone else that may be one night in Vegas.  The most important thing is supporting each other because we all know “ME” time is crucial for moms.  I still feel mom guilt when I first leave, but you know what I learned?  They are ok without me for a few days!  It is good for them too.  Everyone learns a little about themselves when mom is away.  Use your tribe, your husband, your mom, family friends, and just take a few days to go somewhere with your best friend.  It renews your soul.

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I had an Oprah aha! moment.  Completely and fully an aha! moment.  Like Tom Cruise jumping one the couch aha! moment.  It happened at a conference this past week where Brené Brown was one of the keynote speakers.  I had read one of her books.  I liked the book and found her research intriguing, but this was different.  It was like she was inside of my brain.  As she was speaking she kept saying things that were straight out of my thought book.  It was a lightbulb moment after lightbulb moment, which I am now calling a collective aha! moment. 

Brené Brown researches shame, vulnerability, and courage and has translated all this data into words that I can understand and made so much sense to me that my mind was blown.  Brené Brown shared this little piece of wisdom,  “I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.”  I can look at my life and realize that I am so afraid sometimes to put myself out there or let myself be in situations that could be painful that I miss out on true moments of joy and belonging that are also possible.  Boom!  Brené spoke on how you can’t be courageous without being vulnerable.  Which to most people courageous is seen as a good thing and being vulnerable is viewed as bad, when they actually go hand in hand.  In Brené’s words, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”  When you put yourself out there you are also extremely vulnerable, but that is where the great things happen.  I think back to moments in my life that really stand out as amazing and when I felt immense joy and those same moments are also times when I really put myself out there in a vulnerable way.  

I think in our society we strive for perfection.  I have recognized feelings of sadness or shame in myself in situations when I don’t feel like things are “perfect” enough.  Another piece of Brené Brown wisdom for you, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it’s a shield.”  I am pretty certain there is no such thing as perfection and hearing Brené’s research on the topic is powerful.  “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.” This is a quote from Brené Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.  “You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”  Here is when I had an aha! moment about this, if I feel like I have to be someone different than my authentic self amongst certain people then those are not MY PEOPLE!  Life changing right?  I need to stop forcing it or trying to make it work by changing who I am to “fit in”.  Here is another thing I learned from Brené and her research, we don’t have to feel belonging with hundreds of people.  Just finding a few GREAT friends fill that need inside of us!  You don’t have to feel like you fit in and belong with everything and everyone.  That is not how we work.  We are still good humans, practice civility, and are kind to all persons, but we don’t need a tribe the size of Texas to feel joy.  Boom again!

This conference was a group of moms who are influencers, marketers, writers, and content creators.  Brené Brown was asking how many of us have ever watched our child sleep and thought about how we couldn’t love anything more and then in the same thought was thrown into having something horrible and awful happen to them like dying in a car crash.  Thoughts like that bring me to tears when they pop into my head.  You know, the thoughts that are so awful they make your stomach hurt?  Guess what, you are not alone.  Almost every single mother in that room raised their hand.  Brené  said that 95% of people have those same thoughts.  She called is a “dress rehearsal” for tragic events, like we are trying to prepare ourselves just incase it ever happens.  She then asked us how many have actually had a phone call of something tragic happen and about half of us raised our hands.  She went on to say that the “dress rehearsing” for this scenario didn’t actually help at all right?  I can honestly say there is nothing that can prepare us for receiving awful, tragic, gut wrenching news.  It was validating to know that I am not alone in these thoughts.  Instead of delving into those horrible thoughts while watching my beautiful daughter sleep I need to reach for joy.  The joy she brings me with her funny stories or beautiful cuddles, but knowing I am not alone in having those thoughts is so helpful to acknowledge that feeling and move on.  It is ok to feel vulnerable, but you acknowledge the fear and pain and move on.

Here is another big lesson I learned.  “When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make,” This is a quote from Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.  The arena (of life) is filled with people.  It is the people down on the floor doing the hard work, like a gladiator, that are really putting themselves out there.  They are getting sweaty and dirty and experiencing the pain.  The people who are just watching and being critics don’t count.  They are not putting themselves out there.  Brené used the term “the cheap seats” and I love this.  In the social media driven world we live in today it is so easy to sit behind the computer and be the critic.  Unless you are putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, working hard, and getting dirty your opinion does not matter to me.  You do not get to criticize me from the cheap seats.  Another Brené truth bomb, “If you have constructive criticism you want to give me, I want it.  But if you’re in the cheap seats, not putting yourself on the line, and just talking about how I can do it better, I’m not interested in your feedback.”  I have the problem where I want everyone to like me and do not want to upset anyone, but you know what?  If I am my authentic self, a good person, and doing meaningful things then I am not going to be upset if someone out in the cheap seats makes fun of me, judges me, criticizes me, or is trolling me.  I am going to be down in that arena doing great things and leaning in.  Just like Brené says, “If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”  Mind blown with this realization.  I choose to put myself out there in a very public way with this blog and on social media and I am proud of the work I do.  I get emails and messages from people who thank me for inspiring them to step out of their comfort zone in a large way.  THIS is why I do this.  I love helping others and this is my way to reach a larger community.  I love answering questions about balancing being active and motherhood, inspiring people to cook a better recipe, encouraging them to take the first step towards their goal of a half marathon, and give something good to people who are looking for a safe space.  I share about my battle with anxiety to be my authentic self and hopefully that in turn helps someone know they are not alone.  I shared my BRCA gene testing journey, my medical woes, and my surgery struggles to help others who are going through the same thing.  To the people who criticize for writing a sponsored post that pays the bills to host this site you read regularly, you are in the cheap seats.  

What about our kids?  How about this Brené thought when it comes to parenting, “Raising children who are hopeful and who have the courage to be vulnerable means stepping back and letting them experience disappointment, deal with conflict, learn how to assert themselves, and have the opportunity to fail. If we’re always following our children into the arena, hushing the critics, and assuring their victory, they’ll never learn that they have the ability to dare greatly on their own.”  Let’s just stop for a second and absorb that, DARE GREATLY!  The one thing our younger generations need more than anything is to be hopeful and to dare greatly.  I have faced critics about the level of dance I allow my daughter to partake in and auditioning for teams and scholarships because of the level of commitment it takes and risk of failure and disappointment.  My husband and I have had meaningful conversations about this and we both agree that it is our daughter’s passion and learning to deal with failure, getting back up and trying again is one of the best things we can instill in her.  It pushes her out of her comfort zone and into that arena where she is daring greatly!  It has the possibility of bringing her pain, but it also has the ability to bring her immense joy.

I could go on and on, but I will write more about this on a different day.  In the meanwhile, I love the life I have and the people I have in it.  If we have different views, that is ok because quite frankly if we all thought the same that would be boring, but I will be kind, gentle, and civil to everyone despite our differences.  You do you and I will do me.  I will be my authentic self and speak up to hard issues, lean into hard situations, and I will put myself out there in meaningful ways.  I will teach my daughter compassion, civility, that failure is ok, and that “perfect” doesn’t exist.  Most of all, I will seek joy while understanding that pain can come with it too.  I won’t be afraid of stepping into the arena and will not take criticism from the people in the cheap seats.  

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